


These Things I'll Never Say

by cosmic_llin



Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Falling In Love, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Oblivious, Pining, Roommates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-06
Updated: 2017-03-06
Packaged: 2018-09-28 17:36:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,503
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10141874
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cosmic_llin/pseuds/cosmic_llin
Summary: Nog hates when Jake brings guys home. What could be the reason?





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [jazzypizzaz](https://archiveofourown.org/users/jazzypizzaz/gifts).



> Inspired by this:
> 
> http://www.gaystarnews.com/article/straight-guy-worries-hes-homophobic-gay-roommate-ends-falling-love/
> 
> With huge thanks to purplefringe for suggesting it!

Jake had brought  _ another _ date home.

He’d always been more popular with the girls than Nog had, but until they’d started sharing quarters, Nog hadn’t realised quite  _ how _ popular. Of course, on a Bajoran station, being the son of the Emissary didn’t exactly hurt his chances - he’d been a cover star for Teen Bajoran magazine three times, and until he’d reached majority they’d had someone on the security team assigned to read his fanmail and weed out anything unsuitable for consumption by an innocent youth.

Not that Jake had ever been  _ that _ innocent.

It probably also didn’t hurt, Nog reflected with annoyance, opening the closet to get his noise-cancelling headphones so that he wouldn’t have to hear Jake having sex, that Jake was incredibly attractive. Uh, probably. By Hew-mon standards, anyway. And Bajoran ones. Yes, Nog could just imagine how appealing any Bajoran girl would find Jake’s easy smile, his laugh, his confidence, his lips that looked so kissable…

Or at least probably to this hypothetical Bajoran girl they did. Not like Nog would know anything about it.

Stupid Jake.

Nog put the headphones on, sat back on his bed, got out a PADD to do some studying.

And it wasn’t just girls, either, it was all genders. When Jake had brought home that muscular, tanned Bajoran guy, the springball player, Nog had felt… something? Upset? Annoyed? Confused? He’d done his best to hide it but he was sure Jake had noticed.

It wasn’t like Ferengi men didn’t have sex with each other, but there were a lot of complex power dynamics involved in doing it all properly, and that didn’t seem to be an issue for Jake and his increasing tally of male lovers. From what Nog could tell, it didn’t seem like anyone was even  _ slightly _ exploiting anybody else. Maybe that was what made Nog so uncomfortable about it - it was just cultural differences. If you were going to sleep with other men then it should be in the context of a business relationship - not all this Hew-mon nonsense with the laughing together and the kissing and the pancakes in the morning. When Nog thought about all that, about Jake doing those things with the guys he dated, it just made him angry.

He felt kind of bad about it. Part of being Starfleet was being accepting and open about other cultures, and he was trying, really he was. Maybe this was just too ingrained. Maybe this was one prejudice he just wouldn’t be able to shake free of, even for his best friend. His best friend who he cared about a lot and never wanted to hurt.

Whatever it was, it was making him feel pretty terrible tonight. It was another guy this time, one Jake had dated a few times before. His name was Chebru. Nog had been introduced to him. He seemed like a really nice guy. He volunteered at an animal sanctuary down on Bajor, and Jake saw him every time he came up to the station to run the monthly pet adoption event on the Promenade. He was incredibly polite and kind by all accounts.

Just thinking about him made Nog grit his teeth.

He was doing it right now, reading the same line of his PADD over and over again. Why couldn’t he just be happy for Jake? Why was he being such a jerk about this? Was he really that bigoted, that unable to accept other lifestyles? At the Academy, he’d tried so hard to prove to everyone that he belonged there, and now he was beginning to wonder if the doubters had been right about him after all.

Nothing to do about it now, though. Nothing but lie there with his headphones on, trying and failing to sleep.

* * *

Nog slept badly, once he finally dozed off, and when he woke the next morning, Jake’s date had left and Jake was putting the breakfast things back in the replicator.

‘Oh, hey Nog!’ he said. ‘You sleep ok?’

Ugh, his stupid smile was so stupid and perfect.

‘Yeah, fine,’ said Nog, not managing to quite pull it off.

‘You sure? You seem a little…’

‘I just have… stuff on my mind, ok?’ Nog snapped.

Jake shrugged. ‘OK.’

Nog stomped aimlessly around their quarters for a couple of minutes.

‘So…’ he said eventually. ‘Is it serious, with you and Chebru? You see him every time he’s here.’

‘Nah,’ said Jake. ‘I like him, but he has a steady girlfriend back on Bajor and he’s not interested in more than a little casual fun.’

‘Oh,’ said Nog.

‘He actually brought her with him one time,’ said Jake. ‘I think you were away on the Defiant, but the three of us had a really enjoyable evening…’

‘All right, I get the picture!’

Jake gave him a look. ‘I’m going for a walk,’ he said. ‘See you later.’

‘Yeah,’ said Nog.

* * *

‘Nog,’ said Ziyal. ‘Nog!’

Nog looked up. ‘Yeah?’

‘You’ve been staring at that pudding for ten minutes, and you haven’t said anything for at least five. What’s wrong with you today?’

‘Nothing,’ said Nog, prodding the pudding viciously with his spoon.

‘When you asked if I wanted to meet for lunch, I assumed we might actually have a conversation, instead of you staring into space,’ Ziyal continued. ‘Come on - tell me what’s up.’

Nog sighed. ‘I don’t want to talk about it. It reflects badly on me.’

‘Hey,’ said Ziyal, reaching out and patting his hand, ‘I’ve seen it all. Nothing you can say will make me think worse of you. I’d like to help.’

Nog stared down into the pudding. ‘It’s just that… every time Jake brings a date home, it makes me feel… furious. And I don’t know why. It’s bad enough with any gender, but when it’s men for some reason it just… I don’t know, it makes me so… and I want to be supportive of Jake’s relationships, and I don’t know why I can’t just be happy for him…’

Ziyal grinned. ‘Nog… maybe the reason you don’t like to see Jake with men is because you wish he was with one man in particular.’

‘What are you talking about?’

‘You have a crush on Jake! Maybe you’re even in love with Jake. You want Jake for yourself.’

Nog’s heart shuddered. ‘That’s… I don’t… you can’t… what do you even…’

Ziyal raised her eyebrows.

Nog stared down into his pudding some more.

‘I guess… I like Jake,’ he said, after a while. ‘I never… I guess I didn’t think about it that way. With Ferengi men, they never take care of each other and treat each other like equals the way Jake does with his boyfriends. It’s hard for me to picture myself in that kind of relationship.’ He sighed. ‘And it’s not like he likes me back, anyway.’

‘He might not,’ said Ziyal. ‘But then again, he might. If you’re so bad at reading your own romantic attractions, why should you be any better at reading Jake’s?’

‘So… what are you saying?’

‘I’m saying you should at least try telling Jake how you feel, before you convince yourself that there’s no chance. You only get one life, Nog. You have to seize the opportunities you’re given. If you don’t, you’ll never know.’

* * *

And that was how Nog came to be waiting in their quarters for Jake to get back, with a large basket of traditional human courting gifts. The computer had suggested flowers, chocolates, and valuable stones. Nog didn’t think Jake was interested in the latter, but he’d gotten a large bunch of Bajoran chrysanthemums, some chocolate-covered katterpod beans (what did human see in chocolate, anyway?), and then added a PADD with some books he thought Jake might like.

He waited by the door with the basket, palms sweating, planning something sophisticated and casual to say when Jake got back.

Jake got back.

Nog forgot everything he had thought of to say and shoved the basket of gifts right at him. Jake caught it, staggered back a couple of steps.

‘Nog, what’s all this?’

‘Uh… courting gifts.’

‘Who for? You didn’t tell me you had a date?’

‘For… for you, actually.’

Jake was staring incredulously at him. This was the worst idea ever. This was terrible. This was the biggest mistake he’d ever made.

‘What do you mean?’

‘I mean… I like you. Never mind, this was a stupid idea…’

‘Nog, wait… really?’

‘Yeah, really. It’s ok, I don’t expect you to reciprocate. But I wanted…’

Jake dropped the basket on the floor, reached out and pulled Nog closer.

‘You like me? I thought Ferengi didn’t do that kind of thing…?’

Nog shrugged. ‘It’s complicated. But I’m not sure I want to do… this… the way Ferengi usually do.’

‘So… how do you want to do it?’

‘I don’t know. I hadn’t got that far.’

‘I have an idea,’ said Jake.

‘You do?’

‘Yeah. Why don’t I kiss you, and then we’ll just see what happens?’

Nog’s ears tingled. ‘I like that idea.’


End file.
